I hope you enjoy this

Tonight I was reminded of the truth.

There is a fine line between reality and the illusions we accept as something substantial.
A voice of reason shattered the delusions I'd been holding onto for some time now.

They say character is what you are in the dark.
What if what you are has two faces?
The one you show the world and the one you reserve for someone in secret?
Which is the hologram, then, the Jekyll or the Hyde?

I've decided I really no longer give a damn.

The truth has set me free.

Kyrie Eleison.  Kyrie Eleison.  Kyrie Eleison.

I learned tonight that once again someone who was telling me one thing, whose ongoing attempts to express some kind of affection were all a ruse and that those closest to him, those he fellowships with are being told versions of the fairytale that reveal his actual contempt for the princess.

I thought the man who hated his love for me moved to the mountains.
But apparently he cloned himself and habitates right here in the suburbs.
Lock your doors, folks, no one is safe.
Nothing is sacred.

I haven't had to be reminded of such slander in a long time.  And hearing it all again tonight reminded me of how many times in so many ways with my countless efforts I have tried to free myself from such toxicity.  But try as I might, be I bitchy, indifferent, loving, unresponsive NOTHING. ENDS. THE. MADNESS.

Am I to spend the eternity of my existence receiving random letters, texts, emails, gifs from someone who continues to declare to the world how wretched I am?


But he wants me to think, what?
That all the hateful things he whispers over beers to his bros are a cover for his ongoing love for me?


Love does not say one thing but think another.
Love leaves you the hell alone when it no longer instills anything in you but pain.

I was so happy until I heard from this false prince charming.
He really is quite a vile man.
And he truly delights in the inconsistency that is his life.
And now his two great loves see him for all he is not.
How lucky for him.

Do you know I actually hope he does show his face again.
Just so he can see first hand the hate seething in these eyes.

His greatest fear has been realized: I view him now with the contempt I'd previously reserved for the lost boy.  He is equally deceptive, slanderous, a coward and a liar.

Except he's worse.
Because I really believed his lies.
I really believed he was different.

So he can continue to pour over his computer, alone in the dark and long for the days when this goddess believed the lies that he was something more than a regret, a mistake I'd undo if I only had the chance.

Sweet dreams, fallen prince.
I pray I will be freed from this demon once and for all.