I woke up this morning with a petite hangover.
A petite hangover is like a regular hangover except you don't feel like throwing up you just feel like greasy food.
For the first time since I frequently consumed happy meals, I craved Mcdonald's.
Shame thy name is Reese.
I haven't been to a Mcdonald's in so long that I actually had to search on Google for the one nearest me, something that made me feel a little less ashamed of my greasy guilty pleasure.
For whatever reason I wanted eggs and I wanted hashbrowns and I didn't want to have to sit down and tip.
I wanted my food and I wanted to go back to bed.
The ridiculous part of my drunken comedy was that it took me forever to get to the damn McD's.
See, the one nearest my house is on a corner where you can only enter it from one street.
So there is a giant sign that says "turn left at light" only apparently they mean your "other" left, or your Canadian left, because when I did "turn left at light" I ended up on a side that didn't have an entrance.
Whoever designed this confounded golden arches did not have hungover patrons in mind.
I turned around in a nearby shopping outlet thinking it would connect and I could enter from that side.
Alas, the parking lot ended and I had to make a giant circle to get back on the road to head back to the stupid Mcdonald's.
At this point I wanted to claim defeat and admit that my desire for an egg mcmuffin certainly was not equal to the amount of effort I was having to exert.
But my stubborn pride refused to give up.
I would figure out how to enter that damn parking lot and I would get my damn hashbrowns.
Dammit.
So I made a different left at the light (depending on what part of the intersection you're facing I guess this could be considered the proper left) and think I'm finally heading in the right direction considering the Mcdonald's is directly on my left but NO! I can't enter from that side of the road either!
What the deuce!
What kind of bloody fast food restaurant have you had your break today bullshit is this??
No, I haven't had my freakin' break! I can't even get to this awful place!
So I turn around YET AGAIN and am now going the other direction on the same stupid road and OH MY GOD I make a right turn and finally enter the drive thru.
I really wanted to tell the person taking my order that his employers are giant fucktards who constructed a restaurant at the most infuriating intersection in probably the entirety of the world but I realize it is a moot point because I will never be going here again.
I get my egg mcmuffin and hashbrowns and am pleased to report that in my petite hungover stage the greasy goodness is exactly what I craved.
I crawl back into bed and vow to never go to Mcdonald's ever again.
Assholes.
Some obsessions are not worth repeating.
