A Mouth of Many Colors

I'm not a morning person.

I'm sure there are some studies out there that would say all it takes is thirty days to learn a new habit and if I just woke up early every day and committed to it I could learn to be a morning person.

And to that I say, rubbish.

One of the only things that gets me out of bed in the morning is the promise of a cup of coffee and my sheer vanity that demands I allow enough time to do my makeup before seeing any other human beings.

Other than that I'd probably sleep 'till noon every day.
My body wills me to give the day a chance to start without me and then stumble into it head first, gaining momentum to conquer the night.

But today I had a work meeting.
At what felt like the butt crack of dawn.
Let's just say it was five hours earlier than when I normally start work.

Mean meanies.

And by the afternoon I was starting to get a little grumpy. 
It is hard being patient with people when you barely have the energy to keep your eyes open, let alone smile and be agreeable.

So of course, I would get the World's Most Indecisive Grandma looking for a lipstick. 
And of course Grandma's lipstick had been discontinued.

Why do they always get rid of the colors I love?  Grandma asked.
Because you buy lipstick once every five years, Grandma.

But I simply sighed and began showing her the 31 flavors of lipsticks.

Here is where the fun began.

The lipstick she wanted to replace was called G-O-L-D-E-N  B-R-O-W-N. 
I repeat, Golden Brown. 
BROWN. 
Brown!!

But the shades I found that were similar to the one she wanted she didn't like.
"They're too brown," Grandma fussed.

My eye began to twitch.
My lips pursed.

I really shouldn't have been attempting to provide customer service when I felt so lethargic.

So I went through all 2,345 shades of lipstick available and finally found a color pretty damn close to her discontinued shade but more this side of mauve than that of brown.

Her response?

"It looks pinker than the one I had."

At this point I lost all patience with her and I said in a tone more condescending than I've ever used on a customer in my life, "Well you said you thought the other shades were too. brown. so this is the best one."

I mentally clapped my hand over my mouth.
Now I was in for it, I thought.  Now she was going to yell at me and ask for my store manager and I was probably going to lose my job and inevitably be back serving lattes in coffee land.

"Ok, I'll take that one," Grandma said.

I mentally let my jaw drop open.

Holy hell.

The grandma not only let me talk to her with the harshness I did but she listened and bought the damn lipstick.
She'll likely return it in a week because she refused to try it on in the store but still.
She bought it!

When she left I walked away shaking my head.
Then I just kind of stood there, dumbfounded.

People are Really. Fucking. Strange.
And surely with all our oddities, some of us really are better suited for the night.

Red lipstick does look more vibrant when the stars are out.
And unlike grandma, I know what colors I like.