convulsions and compulsions

Apparently I did something to screw up my back.
I'm pretty sure it was just how I was breathing.
Regardless it's so screwed up that when I got a massage last week it was the most painful massage of my life.
I really wanted to punch the guy in the face.

But the next day, to my disbelief and delight my back pain had lessened severely.
I told him when I went in today that even though it had really hurt, it helped.
But I can only fall asleep when I'm on my left side and that's the side that's really screwed up.
So one short week passed and I seemed to be back where I started in pain.

He said it takes a long time to break old patterns.
But that working through the pain was worth it.
Because the body is adaptable.
And sure enough today was far less painful than last week was.

I guess a lot of things are that way.

It's funny to me that the only way I can fall asleep is to lay in such a way that strains my body.

It's also funny that the people I want to hear from I never do and the people I don't want to hear from never disappear.

Lots of bad habits all around.

But there is the silver lining that while I can't influence any of the thems to change any of their doos, I can change my own.

And I can disappear completely.

Even if it hurts to form a new habit.