forget me nots

It's been a year.
A year since my coffee scandalousness.
Since I let one man make me forget myself.

And now here I am, out on the other side of it all, and yet there was a new man who I let make me forget myself.

This man, incapable or unwilling, rather, to give me what I wanted, what I needed, what I deserved, told me I made him crazy and withdrew as quickly as whence he came.

A Facebook stalker had wormed his way into my affections and now here I was looking at his page, wondering what all he was up to, without me.

It was comedy, is what it was.
I couldn't have written it better myself.
Though I probably would have included more bedroom scenes, but that's just me.

But still, even with acceptance, change is hard.
Anytime anyone seems to no longer see you it leaves you scratching your head, pondering, was it me?
Was it something I said? Something I did?
Maybe I shouldn't be so great in bed??

If only.
I'll stick with that story just because it makes me smile.

Who knows.
I think trying to understand something the person shaking the boat doesn't even understand is a wasted effort.
I think the point is sometimes people don't know why they do what they do because they're impulsive and they act without thinking.
Maybe they felt one way one day and then they changed their minds.

And that's ok.
I change mine too.

I met up with a girl I barely knew.
Isn't it peculiar how easily we can tell our intimate thoughts to someone who hasn't even gained our trust?

I told her how this guy once made me feel like I was some friend he was ashamed of because he never invited me out with all his other friends, the real friends he was always spending time with.
I felt like I was this side door friend. He'd hang with me in his living room but never wanted to meet me out in public. It made me feel bad.
That's bullshit. You're gorgeous, she responded.

And I laughed.
And I don't know why it took someone I didn't know to remind me of something I'd nearly forgotten.

I was gorgeous.
And I was someone people wanted to spend time with.

Isn't it amazing how easily we can let one person make us doubt all we are?

I'm sure that is a great flaw.
But I'm going to see the awe in knowing some individuals possess the power to change my world, to change what I see.
Surely there are some who wish to change it for the better.