I hate losing friends to co dependency.
You know when you see a friend consistently and then they get a boyfriend and you never see them again because all of their time is monopolized by that one person?
Did I spend all my time with Mr. Volcano when we were dating? I asked Betty Ann.
She laughed her hearty guffaw at me on the phone.
I'm going to interpret your laughter as a resound yes, I said.
Is that simply the rule of thumb?
New relationship=ALL your free time.
I understand, I mean, I know I've been guilty of it myself before (according to my Bestie even more recently than I'd care to admit) but if we have healthy balanced relationships with our friends why do we develop overwhelmingly dependent change-who-we-are-to-adapt-to-that-person addictions with our lovers? Was it the act of intmacy that drove us to madness? That would explain for those who inexplicably stay with abusers, cheaters, megalomaniacs, perverts, nitwits, halfwits, and assholes.
Right?
I remember the last person I was seeing wanted to go out nearly every night and while I was admittedly flattered by the outpour of attention I also found it exhausting.
Don't people ever just want to be alone? Like with themselves? With their own thoughts, their own passions, their conversations with God?
Or am I some bizarre minority?
That wouldn't surprise me in the least.
The other side to all this co dependency is what it does to a person after the years have taken their toll. Suddenly resentment and bitterness resound in the voice of one who feels their spouse no longer delights in them. Passive aggressive games ensue and suddenly 'forgetting' to do or not do certain things becomes a way of getting back at the one who no longer seems to desire you.
Nothing spells Happy Marriage like spouses performing impressions mocking their partners nagging, unloving ways. (I know, I see them all too frequently. It seems Starbucks patrons like to shed light to Baristas on their less than fulfilling relationships).
But if relationships weren't co dependencies wouldn't it be easier to forgive offences? If someone was moody or offensive or undesirable couldn't you just go for a run, meet your friends, read a book, drive to the coast?
Does it have to be ALL or nothing?
Someone said that to me once. I have to be all or nothing. But that just seems like such a cop out.
Where's the friggin' balance?
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