I went to a "Cabaret" tonight. I use the term "Cabaret" loosely as it felt more like a high school talent show than a performance at a bar with a two drink minimum. I have many lovely qualities (I say, of course, with ALL humility) but one of my less than lovely qualities is that when it comes to performance art I'm a SNOB. I trained classically in music in college, studied music, dance and theatre for years as a child and an adult and like many singer/actor/dancers I am WAY too opinionated for anyone else's good.
And tonight? Tonight was amateur hour at what I thought was going to be a polished performance. No big deal, right? Right, except I've already established that I'm a SNOB and when I'm enjoying a cocktail I like to enjoy it without the diatribe of a comic who can't read his own notes on his note pad or a singer whose misreading the sheet music to the song she had learned only earlier that day.
Oy.
I told my partner in crime I'd had enough of open mic night and we planned to make a break for it and then the Quintessential Villain showed up. He was an ex of my friends and he literally looked like a villain. I mean, you know those bad guys in the movies based on Alexander Dumas novels? This guy had the long hair, the moustache, the pointy triangle beard. I turned to my friend and asked as politely as I could, "You dated THAT guy?" Apparently he IS actually playing a villain in a period play (which truthfully, disappointed me a little. I was kind of hoping he just was THAT kooky). But because of this Quintessential Villain my escape plan was put on hold. My friend wanted to stay and visit with him and other actors from his play.
Oh no she DIH-INT!
Thou shalt not forsake thy girlfriend for an exboyfriend.
Especially one who looks like an extra from The Three Muskateers.
Pouting, I decided to call it a night. Bad entertainment AND competing for my friends attention with a bunch of unattractive men? I hear 'Sex and the City' and chocolate calling my name back home. As I drove home I realized what was really bothering me.
My girlfriend was able to get an affectionate hug from her ex and then proceed to enjoy an eve catching up with him while mine continued to slander me thousands of miles away.
Why are some women able to stay on good terms with their exes while others can't even manage to be facebook friends?
Was it just me?
Was I the only one?
Because as my record stood I remained friends with exactly zero exboyfriends.
None.
I know I can be a little unreasonable at times. I'm passionate and opinionated and intense and I get that I'm too hot to handle for some men but....none? No exes converted to friends? Mine was pleading with the men he knew to stay away from me because Lord only knows what I'll do if I get my hands on some dude.
I just go after everyone. No self control. He's a guy I simply GOTTA have him!
Apparently this is the reputation I have developed. I'm determined to take it as a compliment especially since the number of dates I've gone on in the past year is laughable to warrant such a rep.
But hey, when you've got it you've got it and apparently I possess MAD skill!!
(The fact I actually only dated, oh excuse me, "went after" one man is entirely beside the point).
Anyway, whatever the great secret is to actually remaining friends with someone you once greatly loved I'd be thrilled to solve the mystery.
Maybe it is just me.
Maybe I'm inadvertently picking the guys who are actually kooky enough to just dress like quintessential villains.
They just disguise it cleverly with tattoos and foreign accents.
Assholes.
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