What's an enigma?

"I think that it's funny these people think that they know you when they don't."


I've been trying out this new thing lately.
I'll call it embarrassing honesty.
Like when Texas looked extra fancy I walked over to him and said, "Wanna make out?"

That kind of honesty.

I think for the most part I'd have to admit in the past I'd try and be certain versions of myself with certain people.
I was demure Resa when I went out with Mr. Fabulous.
Or there's censored Resa when I'm around Grandma.
Inappropriate Resa when drinking with fellow actors and entertaining Resa when around my family.

And I adapt accordingly and there's nothing wrong with that.

But with my new relationships I'm finding that I lack the censorship to be anyone but who I am.
And to my delight. I find that people respect that.
People respond more to that.

"She is just completely herself. Like, this is who I am. I love that," this girl I met last week said.

And how rad is it that being my uncandid, sassy, fickle self is more than okay?
It's cherished.
She is loved.

It makes me wonder all the time and energy I would have spared if I started all relationships grounded in such honesty.  Maybe it would have been okay then too.  And if not, maybe it would have made room for the folks who would have smiled when they saw the real me.
Flaws and all.

Or maybe the real me never existed until now.
Maybe I tried on different personas to find the one that would fit.

And maybe some people need more time for that than others.

All I know is the people I'm closest to now, the people I enjoy being around, the relationships I crave are the ones with the few who get me.

And smile anyway.