The audience is sitting in my head

I think I'm way too aware of my audience.

A strong performer learns that you have to modify your performance sometimes depending on whose watching.
If a venue is small, you can bring the level down to be more intimate.
If the venue is outdoors, you sure as hell better project.

And life is one big grand stage.

But sometimes I get so caught up in being aware of my surroundings, the self awareness almost impedes my delivery.
I'm too aware of how my words ring in certain ears.
And that is throwing off my verbal prowess.


When you're young, you're unawares you even have an audience.
Unless you were a kid like me who asked to have her picture taken every time she saw an adult with a camera.

The other day I was on my break and some teeny bopper in her short short A&F shorts walked up to me, interrupting my thoughts, and demanded, Excuse me, I need to use your cell phone.
No May I or Would it be alright if just I need it give it to me.

The determined look on her face and her sense of entitlement baffled me.
I just handed over my phone and muttered, Sure.
And after her important conversation of Where ARE you? to presumably some other A&F scantily clad preteen she handed me my phone and was on her way.
I shook my head over how unmoved she was by her lack of social graces and wondered how the rest of the world might act if I attempted the same sort of demanding presumption over their mobile devices.

Something tells me I'd have a lot of lattes thrown in my face.
So long as they were made with soy.
Mmmm.

Why is it Hannah Sluttanah was blithely unawares and I'm all too aware?

It is possible I over think things.
Just a skosh.

I'm really aware of my writing audience.
Or I should say the audience I'm getting to know.

My Mother told me she hasn't read my blog in a long time.
I think the last time I read it you were ranting and raving about something.
I was childishly crushed.
Mama was one of my first readers.
To think I'd lost one of my original followers made me question my voice as a writer.
Is she scandalized by how unladylike my writing voice has become?
And then my mind inadvertently started considering censorship.
Poppycock.

I am being too self aware.

Surely, if anyone KNOWS how much of a lady I am or ain't it is my Mother.
Ya can't kid a kidder.

And I can't fake a Reese.
I can simply embrace her.
And trust that'll draw the type of audience suited to this type of lady.
Whoever she turns out to be.