My So-Called Relationships

People constantly amaze me.

And I don't mean that in a Hallmark warm and fuzzy, Lifetime original, doesn't it bring tears to your eyes kind of way.
I mean people behave like schizophrenic malnourished wackadoos.

The moment I think I have someone figured out, or at least moderately understand their agenda and motives concerning me, they'll do something to completely shatter my so-called understanding.

It is beyond annoying.
But it's also insanely entertaining.


Exhibit A: The interested guy who loses interest

I'm not good at playing hard to get.  I find games contrived and lacking in spontaneity.  I'd rather say something so blaringly truthful it shocks the panties right off them.  Such as, "I like you. Wanna make out?"  Life is so much simpler without pretense.  But men like a challenge so such brazen behavior can be off putting for them.
It's like, I wanted to feel like a man and ask you out and now that you've gone and done my job for me, it makes me feel like my dick is shrinking. 

Then again, I could be exaggerating.
Just a little.

So the guy likes you, he flirts, he pursues, he adds you on Facebook and somewhere along the dance to get laid you never hear from him again.  No reason, no warning, maybe he got back together with his ex girlfriend or maybe he couldn't handle trying to seduce you while he's still living with his Mommy, but whatever the reason, his mojo is no go.  The guy goes AWOL and you write him off as being yet another one who got away.

Asshole.


Exhibit B: The mean girl who secretly wants to be friends

Women are bitches.  They rarely communicate honestly and if they ever utter one sentence that isn't layered with seventeen deeper meanings it's about as often as men over coming their shrunken penis syndrome.  Women are always motivated by a hidden agenda.  Jealousy, competition, insecurity, the desire to be liked, even the desire to be liked by people they don't like themselves.

Enter Mean Girl.  Mean Girl talks about you behind your back and says disparaging comments to your face.  She acts indifferent but her constant need to get your attention reeks of wanting to merely be accepted in the Confident Bitches Club.  Finally one day she opens up and tells you her life story.  Then she invites you to get drunk.  The dance of sorority bitches is complete.


Exhibit C:  The guy who wants to just be friends but gets jealous

I don't have guy friends.  I believe "When Harry met Sally" speaks truthfully on relationships between men and women unless the guy or girl is either gay or asexual.  My guy friends are gay.  Because there is no chance of me hitting them with my sexray gun thus we are safe to frolic without him accidentally getting sucked into my hoo hoo.  Straighties however are another story.  The guy who claims he's not interested romantically and goes out of his way to make his disinterest known turns into the Incredible Hulk when I try and share my dating life with him.  He sees me being picked up by a date, he hears me whine about being rejected by a crush and he responds with unsupportive, insensitive remarks making it known how unattractive and undesirable I truly am. 

Thanks a heap for the support, ya big baby.
Don't take it out on me just because I won't let you touch my ta ta's.


Conclusion?
There are few so-called relationships in my life that aren't so demented they should be written about in a psych book.
But for the rest of them at least it gave me something to shake my head at.
And laugh maniacally at their expense.

Naturally.