my looking glass

I have a love affair with a store in Portland.
It's a little boutique next to a bar that has the most eclectic appetizers Clinton street has to offer.
And whenever I walk in, the store is filled with so many carefully displayed items I'm almost afraid to reach out and pick anything up for fear of destroying the picture they've created.
Everything is vintage.
Everything is equisite.
Everything is totally Resafied.

It must have been an especially magical day because when I walked into the store they were having a sale.
In all the years I've shopped there, I've never once been there when they had a sale.
Magic.
I was the only one in the store so the lady working there visited with me while I shopped.
She complimented my hat.
And pointed out different items she thought I might like.
It was like shopping with a best friend only I'd never met this woman before in my life.

I told her I was looking for a new hat to wear to my birthday party.
And when I found several that I was trying to decide between she gave me a reduced price so I could get all of them.
I found a beautiful, black fur coat from the 50's that was a fourth as expensive as every other fur coat in the store.
Why is this on sale? I asked. There's nothing wrong with it.
She just laughed and shook her head.
I don't know. I wasn't here when the items were selected for reduction. I don't think a whole lot of thought went into which items were on sale. It probably shouldn't be.

I slipped my hands into the pockets and looked at my reflection in the mirror.
My hand pulled out a coin that had been left in the pocket.
My lucky penny.

She wrapped up my purchases in pink tissue paper and asked me where I worked.
I work in cosmetics, I said.
Awe, that explains it. Your makeup is flawless. I used to want to do that, you know. Before I got into all this, now I'm obsessed.
Yeah, I can see why. I used to want to have my own vintage shop. But then I thought I wouldn't want to sell anything because I'd want to keep it all.

I looked up at a shelf that was higher than the rest in the store.
What's that? Is that a hat?
She pulled down a small magenta hat with feathers and netting.
It was unlike anything I'd ever seen.
Yeah, it's falling apart though. But it's still beautiful. It'd be worth a lot if it wasn't so worn.
I held the hat in my hands, turning it over.
I placed it on my unkempt curls and smiled at my reflection.
It was perfect.
I'd found my hat. 
My thirty, flirty and thriving hat.

I just stood there, smiling, remembering how great it felt to look at myself and see all my eyes reflected.
I'd forgotten.
I'd forgotten how simple it was to ignore the stares others eyes projected.
And simply open my own eyes long enough to see what I already knew was there.
And how beautiful, how beautiful I remained, even when I was falling apart.