Crash

I don't watch a lot of TV.
Certainly not the cool tv shows.
If I ever do watch sitcoms it's always reruns of cancelled programs. 
And it's always late at night. 
I would never need to zone out and escape in the middle of the day.
It's nights that sneak up on me.

Once I watched a program I'd never seen before.
And have not seen since.
I don't even know the name of it but it was one of those undercover spy shows.
Some girl was an agent for some organization of truth and justice.
And of course this girl had a dark past.

I don't know why I watched the whole thing.
It was an hour and I don't usually get sucked into dramas like that.
Maybe her acting was really good.
Maybe I was truly that catatonic.

Maybe I needed a visual for the shivering pulsating through my veins right now.


The part of the show that haunted, that stirred empathy for the girl, was that she was a recovering drug addict who was kidnapped and while tied up she was given a dose of the drug she had worked so hard to give up.  Her eyes glazed over and after hours of being high she began sweating and shaking, quickly going through withdrawal.  One hit and she was back to being hooked.  The friend who had sold out the girl to be kidnapped wept upon seeing the state the girl was now in.  Her greed at wanting the girl close to her had brought the girl back to such crashing shakes. 

The girl sat locked in a cage, writhing, her body twitching in pain.  At one point the dealer got close to the cage with another vial of the drug and seeing it the girl nearly tore apart the cage to get her hands on it.  The whole scene was beyond disturbing.



When someone goes through withdrawal they feel like the bottom has fallen out. 
Something inside them has made a hole that needs filling.
And nothing satisfies.
The head hurts.  Hair hurts.
Every inch of skin stings.
And closing their eyes won't make the darkness go away.

I was lured in a cage placed atop the highest shelf.
And given a vial of a drug violently forced down my throat.
And the dealer, having succeeded in getting me high, fled.
Stealth.  Secretly.  Casting all stolen jewels in the sea.
Laughing, he crept back, breaking vials at my feet.

My tears fell and swam with the broken glass.
And his snickers echoed like drums making my ears bleed.
Fuck your long term.
I have the shakes now.