Fat Freaks

I hate food that's low calorie anything.

Light and Fat Free are terms synonymous with We left out the flavor but enjoy the crisp crunch!
They even have low cal rice cakes.
It's a fucking rice cake!
How much more low cal can you get?!

And why would you need low sodium Ritz?
It's a cracker for crying out loud. 
It's not meant to be good for you.
It's meant to be eaten with cheese. 
Why don't the folks who don't like delicious salty crackers just eat some broccoli.
And stop ruining the buttery goodness of Ritz crackers

I've decided people whose pantries are filled with this garbage cannot be trusted.
These are probably the same types of people who schedule their love making.
Not yet, honey, I haven't started ovulating!

Rest assured you actually won't die from too many servings of carbs.
Just drag your lazy ass of the sofa, walk a couple laps around the living room during commercial breaks and you'll be fine.

But for the love of brie, cool it on the reduced fat low sodium extra barley processed cardboard.
NONE of it is good for you.

So just indulge your wicked side and enjoy the real deal.

Or stick with the broccoli.

Freaks.