I can't seem to believe

I had this revelation while talking with a friend the other night.

It really is hard believing in things you can't see.

My agnostic friend was sharing a story about how someone she knew had recently tried to convert her.
And she said she felt like such a jerk because the whole time she just wanted to laugh.
There is a part of me that wants to believe in God but I just can't. 

It's probably a ridiculous comparison but I realized I felt the same way about relationships.
There is a part of me that wants to believe my true prince charming exists, but I don't know if I can.

And while some soul mate is certainly not in the same league as the Big G I found it fitting that somehow for how different my friend and I are we suffered from the same ailment.

A lack of faith.


The almost comical part of the evening was that my melancholic friend whose always been far more depressive than moi seemed to be the one of us who was looking on the bright side.  Oh sure, we all have days we feel a little extra blue and I'm pretty sure that monthly visitor is rearing its ugly head.  But still. 
It made me wonder.

Why is it so easy to believe in some things and so hard to believe in others?
And what is it within us that keeps us from believing?

Is it something I can sprinkle on like my glitter in the morning?
Can I just live by a faith that believes in what it hasn't seen and ignores everything it has?

Because if lessons lie in patterns then my life has shown me that there's a reason I don't fit a common mold.  It doesn't suit me.  And maybe being different means my relationships are as well.

And maybe faith means accepting things won't look the way I imagined they should.
Maybe faith is believing in all that seems contrary because the absurd is far more lovely than anything already understood.

If you can believe all things are possible to those who believe.

I can believe.  I can believe.
I can....
Well, I can try to believe.

And I think you can too.