Martini straight up, not with a twist

Dating is such a peculiar sort of creature.

I go out of my way to get extra dolled up to wear my best dress and make sure my makeup and my hair are just perfect to try and win favor with someone I don't even know.
And each prospect is so exciting.
It's something new and I don't know what's gonna happen.
And that's magical.

But it's also unlike what I'm used to.
And in spite of myself, in spite of how undesirable my former crush was, there was a moment in the middle of my date when I thought of him and I missed him.
Because I'd grown accustomed to his face and his mannerisms, his habits, the way he looked at me when I talked and the way he always smiled.
I didn't have that familiar vibe with this guy because it was the first two hours of my life ever spending with him.
And the first date I had with former crush was also quasi awkward and uncertain and I know that.

But stepping out of your comfort zone is hard.
And you don't know what the other person is thinking and you don't know if they even like you.
I mean he grabbed my ass in the elevator on the way out of the restaurant so I would think that means he at least thinks I'm kind of cute.

But I don't want to think about DoucheBag anymore.
I don't wanna wonder if he's missing me or if he thinks about me at all.
Or if he's already replaced me with Her.
I don't wanna care.
How do I not care??
Other people are so good at not caring.
They just turn it off.
And I've tried.
I've done everything I physically can.
I blocked him on my Facebook and I deleted all contact information and I didn't respond when he contacted me on my birthday.
The shock of actually hearing from him on my birthday.

But he's not actually blocked from my mind.

And this guy, this new, handsome, charming guy who held open my car door and helped me into my coat, he didn't even wish me a happy birthday.
And DB, in spite of himself, wished me a happy birthday.

It's like everyone will always be without in some way and you just have to decide which way you can accept the most with not having what you want.

I don't even think my date told me I looked beautiful.
And I really felt so. beautiful.
I was wearing my new Grace Kelly dress and birthday hat and everything.

I thought if DB had seen me in that dress with my hat and my hair he would have appreciated it.
But I'm sure I'm mistaken.
He didn't appreciate anything about me.
That was kind of the whole point.

I just hope it doesn't take me long to forget him.
Because chances are high that he's already forgotten me.

You have it bad for him, huh? Mother said.
Yeah. I do.
I really have horrible taste in men.

But here's to dating.
And my wretched taste surprising me with something great.