turning tides

I'm fairly certain the most painful thing someone I care about could ever do to me
would be to ignore me when I need them most
And to ignore me when they know they've hurt me
is possibly worse than the offense itself

I hate being ignored
I just want to communicate
I want to be restored
I don't understand how people can be indifferent
how they can not care

All I do is care

I care how they're feeling
and what they're thinking
I care
and instead of reaching out
they close me out

It's fitting really

I mean, life follows patterns, does it not?
And I am Anna Karenina to every lover
Beloved before I am despised
Only they try and push me in front of the train before I've time to jump

It always surprises me
but it shouldn't
each and every character in my story told me how it would be
how the story would play out
and I, ever always, failed to listen
Because I believe
I believe in people
in their good hearts and the hopeful glances and the moments where faith is born

And that is why I sit here, a feverish, dizzy heap,
A-L-O-N-E
with my misguided hopes and delusions of reconciliation keeping me company
while my phone remains silent

Silence
I heard each unspoken word shrill and clear
I. am. not. worthy.
but to some
          some time
                 I will be

And I'll remain a hopeful silly girl until then
in spite of each and every them