Saturn Return

Six years ago, around this same time of year, I learned that sometimes the guy you're crazy about totally sucks in comparison to the guy whose about to sweep you off your feet.

I was totally into my boss.
Clearly there really is nothing else to think about while working at Starbucks. Which is why it's very good I don't work there anymore.
And for a few months we had a playful, casual thing going.
I say playful but really that's a polite way of saying the kid wasn't all that into me but we still had sleepovers and occasionally drank alcoholic beverages.
He'd even brush his teeth after he smoked before he'd kiss me.
A modern day Jimmy Stewart.

So surprise surprise when on opening night of the show I was in he called off our tryst.
"I told you I didn't want a girlfriend."
'I didn't want a boyfriend.'
"You lied!"
And thus another mediocre relationship ended and I was heartbroken just days before my birthday.

My life is repeating itself.

BUT......Because Timing is not always so very cruel, I not only started dating several other guys but Narccissus came and swept me off my feet.
He still to this day, despite our tragic ending, was the most romantic beau I ever had.
The Most Beautiful Woman in the World, he called me for years.
He'd introduce me to his friends and family and say, Isn't she beautiful? I am so proud to be with her.

Now THAT was how a real man made me feel.
And how many months did I put up with texts reading, "Door's Open" as my suitors only efforts?

But see when it's been so long since a true gentleman has pursued you, you forget.
You forget how different it feels.
So in the mean time, you settle.
Because some attention feels better than no attention.
And maybe you'll win him over.
I mean, if he gets naked with you, he must like you at least a little?
Right??

Cut to now and I'm 30 and I've heard this is the time in my life for my saturn return.
My life pieces are supposed to fall into place.
And things from my past are supposed to circle back.

So for months I was totally into DB.
We had a playful, casual thing going and he even tried to make me one of his platonic paperdolls.
Though I was miscast in the role since he couldn't seem to keep his hands to himself.
I am so very enticing, after all.
Have you looked into my eyes?
"They're tractor beams for me to kiss you," DB once said.
How terribly romantic.

So surprise surprise when the day before my party he called off our tryst.
There are some very obviously strong emotions, and I just don't need drama between my friendships right now.
And thus another mediocre relationship ended and I was heartbroken just days before my birthday.

BUT......Because Timing is not always so very cruel, I started dating other guys.
And this new kid, Guy, seems to be on the verge of sweeping me off my feet.
Or at the very least, off my feet and onto his bed.
And really, what more does a woman need?

He looks at me like I'm a hot fudge sundae.
And I can't think of a more lovely Christmas present than that.

Oh, Hey DB?
Now that I'm getting horizontal with a new, tall lanky guy you think we could be friends again?
Clearly those "strong emotions" you claimed I felt were easily transferable.
I think you meant "strong hormones" but you never seemed to rock the stamina to keep up with me in that department.

Oh, that I were a man.....

It seems the "unhealthy" one wasn't me.
I got a promotion at work this week and was asked on a date by another new suitor.
Just nine short days after my tears spilled for the heartless rogue I'm giggling in the park with someone else's dreamy face inches from mine.

He was not so very special.
I. WAS.
And lucky for me, I carry myself everywhere I go.

How fortunate for the princes strong enough to kiss me.
Some Returns are definitely worth the wait.