How many gays does it take to make a husband?

My Ghub moved to Nashville.
The Bitch.
And since his departure I have searched high, I have searched low, but alas, no gay man can quite fill his shoes.
I guess it takes a very special sort of gay to make a husband.
But thankfully I still have LOTS of boyfriends!

I. Love. Gay. Men.
And yipee skippy for me I'm like catnip to those pussies.
Heehee.

I doubt that there are many women that can boast that a gay man has approached them to take their picture just because they looked so fabulous!
That was the week I was hit on by more gay men than straight.
But I still felt pretty.

It's almost MORE of a compliment to be hit on by a gay man because they are so overly particular about what they like whereas the average straight man likes anyone with boobs.
They're simple, they're shallow and they're common whores.
Which is why we're soul mates.

And as a fabulous singleton there is something to be said for the reassurance and validation of gay boyfriends.
They're like regular boyfriends only you don't have to worry about their STD's and they are WAY prettier.
I love men.
But I especially love BEAUTIFUL men.
And gay men are so shiny and fancy.

I knew this one kid and I were meant to be when he walked by and stopped me dead in my tracks with his hot legs.
Are you wearing leather?!!
No they're waxed denim. They're Balenciaga.
Well, they're HOT!
Love at first Balenciaga sighting.

Another one of my gay crushes is married and a total homebody.
But he's so ridiculously adorable I will not rest until we're snuggled up in a booth somewhere taking pictures together.
I hope you know I am never going to stop asking you out, I told him one day.
So just tell your husband that this crazy girl at work has a giant crush on you but she promises to keep it in her pants.
He shrugs off my affections but I know he loves it.
How could he not?
I'm such a shameless flirt.

But it's easier flirting with gay men.
Straight men get so overwhelmed so easily.
They think I'm coming on too strong and don't quite know how to handle me.
Silly billies.

Which is why it was really hilarious when I thought this one guy was gay and then found out months later that he was actually straight.
So all those times I thought he was the Jack to my Karen I was actually just being shamelessly inappropriate with a kid who thought I was being insanely flirtatious.
Cut to me overwhelmingly embarassed and wondering quite how to redeem myself.
Five orgasms later I decided misconceptions still made for very happy endings.

So while I wait for the real prince charming to make his entrance and my gay husband to realize Portland misses him like the deserts miss the rain, I have a city full of fabulous men who appreciate my musical theatre voice, my designer handbags and my affinity for all things 50's.

Every man needs his muse.
And every gay man needs his Resa.