I've discovered a rare anomalie in dating.
The guy who asks you out but never takes you out.
The guy who wants to date you merely in theory.
The only time I ever experienced anything similar to this was when I was talking to The Texter.
Texter was a kid who never followed through with making any actual plans but when it was late at night and he was bored he'd want to start our verbal tennis with his oh so clever ice breaker of HEY.
The ridiculous part was I went on texting him for months before I grew weary of Texter's asinine dialogue and started dating Mr. Volcano.
And true to form, as soon as I was no longer available to volley his tedious banter he suddenly had to see me, NOW.
I'm so sexy when I'm unavailable.
Which never happens because I hate that game.
If I wanna see you naked then I'm not pretending like I don't wanna see you naked.
That's just how I roll.
Oh and ps?
The rendezvous with Texter ended with me making out with him at a bar in front of Mr. Volcano's best friend because I'd tried fixing him up when Mr. V was out of town.
The next day I filmed my first movie hung over and wondering if it counted as cheating when the guy you were dating didn't know if he wanted a relationship.
I decided it didn't.
After hearing of my spit swapping Mr. Volcano decided we should be exclusive.
Happy endings all around.
So Texter ancient history, what's happening now?
I have three different dudes who pop up out of the woodwork just around the time I forget we're still Facebook friends to let me know they still think of me inappropriately.
One guy took me out during the summer for a pleasant though lackluster date and then would occassionally message me about taking me out again but never actually set a time.
He texted me one night in December and imagine my surprise when a message from a number I didn't recognize read, So you're at Mumford tonight? I saw it on your FB.
Awwwww!
Who the fuck is this??
It's that guy who took you out for wine months ago.
Oh. Hi.
I'll be back in town in a week wanna grab a drink?
Uh. Sure.
And guess who never contacted me?
I love being rejected by guys I'm not even interested in.
It's SWELL.
Another kid who took me out on a few pleasant but lackluster dates did the same thing around my birthday.
And again, no follow through.
And again, a rejection from a guy I don't wanna kiss.
But the weirdest, most WTF is he thinking schmuck of all?
This kid I used to work with in Coffee Land who finds the most bizarre ways to try and get my attention.
I hadn't heard from him in.....10 months?
When he commented on a picture of me and him together on Facebook.
No one else had commented on the picture he just randomly decided to talk about that night knowing I'd see the comments.
How clever.
So curious as I am at his lack of subtlety I agree to meet with him for a drink.
And it turned out the kid needed someone to discuss his sex life with.
And he thought of me.
How flattering.
I have no idea why I was the one he sought counsel from.
I try not to think about it.
So assuming we're now friends I suggest meeting up again.
He's pretty busy, he explains to me.
I pretty much have something planned every day for the next month.
Damn, Romeo.
I know when I've been dismissed.
So another few months go by and what do I receive?
Another message from the kid himself.
A text, again from a number I don't recognize reading, So I saw you today and waved. But you didn't wave back.
Nothing says I care like creeper stalker messages from guys you deleted out of your phone ages ago.
Twenty bucks says they all decide to poke me on FB for Valentine's day.
Fucking freaks.
No comments:
Post a Comment