my tongue is still numb

There are two types of people, those who burn the candle at both ends and those who burn the candle at only one end. Those who burn the candle at one end are more methodical, they burn slowly, deliberately. Those who burn the candle at both ends are a little more reckless though never boring. The candle burns faster but also brighter.

My la fee verte and I are opposite candles.
But somehow I maintain I shine just as brightly.
I'll be the judge of that, I'm sure is what he'd say.

It's wonderful having a little intrigue.
It has honestly been years since I've had something so carefree and reckless.
I love appreciating the moment for its raw simplicity.
And not staring into the eyes of a man whose looking to me to save him.

I don't want to be with a man again who suffocates me merely to keep from drowning.
That is not romance.
I'm beginning to wonder what it even looks like.

I read that I should not get involved in a serious relationship until I know what I want.
Until I have a clear picture in my mind of what it is I'm seeking and what that looks like.

But I haven't a clue what I want.

And I love this stage in dating.
This stage where I've found someone I connect with.
Whose gorgeous.
And oh. yes. how. that. matters.
And when we look at each other we don't yet know what we're seeing.

And I love having no idea what may happen.
I love that I don't feel like I need to impress him because I don't know that I'd ever want to really be his.
Because I like feeling free.
And content in all that is.

And should I while away certain hours sipping absinthe in his kitchen?
Then that delights me.
And should I while away certain hours sipping champagne on my own couch?
Then that delights me just the same.

My la fee verte has me under his spell.
But for the first time in a very long time, I'm not reeling from all he took while I was asleep.
I'm here, intact.
Basking in the glow of a shared high.

Candles burning continuum.