We can't be friends. My vanity won't allow it.

I got dumped.

I got dumped by a guy I never met.
That may be a new record.

It was supposed to be a blind date.
Which is always a charming way to kill two hours.

But rather than agree to a truly blind blind date I thought we could be Facebook friends first.
That way we could each have the stalking opportunity to scam on each other and decide if the profile pictures really warranted an exchange of fluids.
Vodka. Gin.

It also gave me the delight or possible terror of engaging in a repartee with someone who might make me laugh or make me squirm.

This particular suitor?
Beige Guy.
His messages were cordial enough but boring.
Nothing that made me smile, nothing that prompted a second read through, just Meh.
I was almost certain that my date with him was going to be Be capital Eige exclamation point.
Dud.

BUT
I am an open minded overly opinionated shallow frisky know it all and I was WILLING to look past his lack of intriguing qualities.
Particularly handsome?
No.
Inciteful and intellectual?
Hardly.

And no, my acceptance at his invitation had nothing to do with the fact I was lining up several different dates with several different guys in the same week.
And I wasn't trying to merely make him lame date Wednesday before potential date Thursday and mostly friend date Friday and naughty date Saturday.
Not. At. All.
It was an honest to goodness gen-u-ine date.

For the most part.

But what should happen days before my week of debauchery??

Beige Guy has the nerve to cancel our lametastic rendezvous.

I'm sorry but I've changed my mind about meeting you. I feel our personalities are really very different. Of course I am not saying yours is bad or mine is bad or anything like that, just different. I hope there is not any hard feelings. I'm sorry if I've wasted your time.

Ahem.
Let's all take a moment and laugh a long hearty guffaw.
Ha. Ha ha. Ha ha ha ha.

Beige Guy cancelled our beige date and opened up my Wednesday night and he hoped there weren't any hard feelings?
Oh honey.
We all know you're the only one who felt hard.
I do have some great profile pics.

And who wants to hang out with someone exactly like them?
Even my ego isn't that much of a narcissist.

The one factor that intrigued me was what it was about my Facebook profile that pushed him over the edge to no longer want to meet me.
My blog posts? My pictures? My sassy status updates?

I'll never know and I'll never get to have my beige date.

But I did get to write about what a giant ass he was and that's far more important to this notorious lady anyhow.

Mix that with your beige juice and suck it.