farewell, love

I remembered tonight how right before Mr. Volcano and I broke up we spent a couple weeks apart, thinking about things, praying about them, trying to make sure we had peace about whatever decision we came to concerning us.

And I remember how there was this one night I couldn't sleep.

And how in the middle of the night I simply knew.

It was over.

I sent him a text and he called me shortly thereafter.

Because as Chance would have it, he couldn't sleep either.

We hadn't spoken in so long and I still remember how tenderly he said, Hey on the other line.

We decided to meet right away and when I got to his house he opened the door and we just stood there, hugging, not saying a word.

For a long time.

If we had actually listened to our hearts that night it would have been one of the most beautiful breakups I'd ever experienced. 

A love that let go.

Of course, our saga was not nearly so neat and tied with a Tiffany bow.

But the rest of that sad story is not the point.

I felt another instinct tonight.

A calm and peace, an acceptance that strengthened.

And life has unexpected twists and surprises around certain corners, but I felt in my heart that my little fling of late has played out.

It is finished.

And we never grew close enough to have such an in tune finale together.

So I decided to embrace it with these arms alone.

I heard from an old flame tonight, a flame that with all time and reason should very much be burnt out.

And yet there is something about who I am to him that endures.

And where so many lack the passion to make such an effort, he always reaches out.

And I had to laugh because it all seemed so simple.

The crush I long to explore does not share my sentiments, at least not in a way that is visceral.

Nor a way he'd ever be ready to admit.

And on this night as we each transition one star away from each other I still smile in knowing the end of a thing is never really an end.

Merely the beginning of something I hadn't realized I was missing.

And I'm thankful the wrong man could remind me so much of how the right one is still waiting.
It's time I looked with both eyes to greet him.