Reese Swan

                                              
I went to an audition today.
And I can honestly say, as much as I want the part, I feel like more than anything, the point was for me to go there and meet those people.
I can't even say with certainty I'm meant to have the part.
But I was definitely meant to go to that audition.

Weeks and weeks ago I had endured some drama with the pick-a-little ladies who'd gotten their feathers ruffled by my sassafras writing.
Why I never! Gee golly! Blessed be!
If they could have they probably would have made me over to have a bad bleach dye job and covered my skin in cheap makeup to make me breakout.

Nothing spells revenge like a mob of angry, catty women.

And even though I thought I didn't care, it got to me.
I began to question myself as a writer, my writing voice, my style.
Maybe I'm too uncensored, I thought. Maybe I need to be more pc.

And then days later, as the curiousness of Time should have it, I was contacted by a fan.

Been following your blog--it's too fun!  Are you still acting or interested in film work?  I am on a production team for a film shooting in October. There is a character I think would fit you well.  I like your spunk and personality and would love for you to audition.

My mouth hung open like Sebastian when he sees The Little Mermaid suddenly has human legs.

No. Freaking. Way.

My BLOG landed me an audition??
The same blog that got the pick-a-littles' panties in a twist caught the intrigue of a casting director?

Truly, my life is not without a sense of humor.
Warped. Twisted. Dark sense of humor.

I was flattered.
I was stoked.
I was relieved to learn not every stranger that reads my words feels compelled to hurl their laptop at my face.
I read the sides and the character seemed really complex and interesting.
One of those women whose more than meets the eye.

So at the reading today I honestly have no idea how it went.
With singing, you know if you hit the notes, if you remembered your words, if you managed to stand on the stage without your dress falling to your ankles.
But with acting, especially film acting, it's so painfully subjective that I could be cast or cut because of my curly red hair.

Half the reason I landed my debut film role was because of my double d's. And I thank them for it. Every day. Mwah!

As they told me more about the film and the role I was reading for I realized it was an actor's dream. 
It had the intense layers of a role like Nina in Black Swan and I had been invited to read for it.
I was honored. And hungry for the chance to take on a role so juicy.

But the thing that made the audition amazing was that my talent scout told me why she'd invited me to audition.

Your writing is so raw and so honest and most people don't write like that.  Most people censor themselves. I thought you would be a good person for the role not only because of your larger than life personality but because you would have no fear diving into such a complex role and taking the kinds of risks needed to play such a role honestly.

From one passionate artist to another, it was one of the greatest compliments I've ever received.

I told her the story of the girls being offended by my writing and she said with quiet knowing, They don't understand you.

And how beautiful for that one moment to feel that someone did.

Someone else on the production team even said, Your blog, your writing, is about you putting yourself out there. It doesn't matter whether people like it or not.

And the truth is, it doesn't matter whether I get the part or not.

To have eyes looking at me, seeing all the potential sitting before them in this spunky red head was worth more than even the rush performing brings.

I. Was. Seen.

And for all the times I feel invisible, for all the eyes that look away,
I remembered what it felt like when eyes look into the fire that are my own.

I felt it.  Perfect.  I was perfect.