I came to a conclusion as of late.
I'm done defending who I am.
I'm tired of explaining.
I'm over making excuses.
I am simply Reece.
Take me or leave me.
Or take me.
I remember years ago I was convinced I wanted to make my career the stage.
And audition after audition my voice was "not what they were looking for."
I was Julie Andrews in line for the role of Christina Aguilera.
And wanting to please, wanting to succeed, I thought I needed to try and emulate what was so popular, what was so mainstream.
I worked to take the vibrato out of my voice.
I chose songs that were more jazzy and tried to make my voice have more belt.
And I still couldn't land gigs.
Finally, on one particular day, I finished what was assuredly a blase rendition of 'My Funny Valentine' and the director called attention to my resume.
"I see here you have opera training. Do you have a song that's more legit?"
I wanted to scream a high C in fury.
He had to be fucking joking.
No, I didn't have a song that was more legit because every feedback I got from every role I didn't get was my voice was TOO legit.
Too legit. Too soprano.
Too a spoonful of sugar when I needed to be a genie in a bottle.
But I learned a valuable lesson that day I walked away from yet another failed audition.
I learned when I try to be someone I'm not it doesn't work. It doesn't sell.
I'm not good at being anyone other than myself.
I'm not good at sitting quietly in the background.
But I am apparently good at pushing people's buttons.
And this is a bad thing.
Some chic told me I should be mindful and use my words carefully.
Which nearly made me spit my vodka onto the table.
I'm fairly certain the dude I offended never would have started talking to me in the first place if I hadn't demanded his attention with my anything but mindful or careful words.
More like my, Holy shit! Did she really just say that words.
And suddenly it becomes my fault and I'm supposed to cool off now that he's gotten too close to the Resa fire and can't handle the heat?
I've said it before and I'll say it again.
If you can't take the heat, move to Alaska.
I'll send you a postcard.
I'll be wearing my flight attendant uniform.
And saluting you.
Having a great time. Wish you here.
It's amusing because don't they say the very things you initially loved about a person are the very things that drive you crazy later on in the relationship?
Like, I used to think it was cute the way this one guys voice would squeak like he was going through puberty even though he was 32.
But I'm sure if we stayed together I'd eventually bitch slap his scrawny ass and declare, GROW A PAIR!!
That's just love for ya.
But love should not make you doubt yourself.
Love should not make you feel like the you that is true is less than or wrong.
Especially from people who sought you out in the first place.
Hey buddy!
You asked me out, remember?
This was your brilliant idea.
Is it my fault you weren't smart enough to see what you were getting yourself into?
Maybe you should make better choices.
But it's cool because you know what?
For every jaded bud there is someone else amused and drawn to my ability to be anything but beige.
I just can't believe I considered toning down the sass for a dude.
Few. Can. Handle. This.
And I will only settle for one who can.
Godspeed.
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