Eureka!
It took awhile but I think I finally got it.
I don't get to have everything I want.
Well, DUH, Reese.
What's such an overwhelming discovery in that?
The thing is, I seem to keep forgetting that.
I'm good at making things happen.
I'm skilled in manipulating situations to get what I want.
You could say I know how to work what I've got to get what I don't got.
Sneaky.
That's what I am.
But this past week I have wanted to hear from an old friend. And I mean I. Wanted. To. Hear. From. Him. Like, my inner five year old princess was jumping up and down stomping her feet when it didn't happen that first day I expected it to and I wanted to yell, The princess wants to see her friend! Right now! Didn't you hear me? Hello?! Priority Princess Resa! I have spoken! Where is said friend?!!
And alright so my hissy fit was much more internalized than how any five year old could physicalize it but it's very genuine all the same. And today I just had to laugh at myself because I remembered this is not, I repeat, NOT the first time I've gone through this same pattern, over this same topic and it hit me smack on my smug lil' nose.
I'm not gettin' what I want because I need it too badly and I don't even realize that I think I'm entitled to it.
I ain't entitled to nothin'!
I should simply be thankful for everything that does or does not happen and trust that if the Big G wanted it to be different today it would be different today.
Do you know how many times I've pined for a guy who wasn't right for me and been mad I couldn't get him?
Or how badly I just wanted to go on a date, not fall in love, just have a date to have one and I did! But I was dissatisfied.
Or how much I'd like to have a new beau so I'd stop pining already for that block head whose still managed to possess my heart but I don't have a bf. And you know who IS in a relationship now? The Ogre from team Mr. Volcano who hates me with the fire of a thousand suns.
And you know how they say you can always find one good thing about every person, that there's something likable about everyone? That is NOT true about this ogre. I remember one day at work trying to think of something to compliment him about, trying to love my enemies even if it kills me. And I tell you what, I just thought about it for days because I couldn't think of anything good about that bastard. And he has a girlfriend!!! HE does!!
And I'm single? Really?
Whoever thinks life isn't a comedy should tune into mine.
But the truth is I'm sure if all I wanted was a boyfriend I could make that happen. It might be with some guy whose far less appealing than Prince Charming but I don't want something less than. I told someone once about when I met this guy, nice enough, pretty fond of me, but I just didn't have an overwhelming desire to knock him down and tear his clothes off. And I need that, you know?
So my friend whose not available to me, whose not coming into my store or sending me a letter or answering my incessant questions the five year old princess is ready to fire their way, is not giving me what I want when I want it.
But as I remembered, sometimes I don't get what I want.
And you know what?
That really is just fine.
I just gotta remember that.
And surely this won't be the last time.
No comments:
Post a Comment