He turned into an Owl

Once again I felt a wave of restlessness wash over me.
Only this time it was surprisingly different.
I had a revelation. 
To my surprise, against Time that frequently preferred to move like molasses, I had found myself already in that peaceful state of tranquility.

He had no power over me anymore.

Oh sure, if I saw him, if I heard from him, I'm not saying it wouldn't have an affect on me, of course it would. I'm a woman.

But the truth was the whole thing was so brief, such a whirlwind of heightened emotions and confusion that it all felt as lasting as a dream.  I wasn't in it long enough for it to affect me the way I believed it would.  And how could it?  What normally transpired over several months we'd crammed into several weeks and then ended it as quickly as it had began.  Isn't the only possible outcome to be left dizzy with disbelief and therefore blithely disaffected?

And was he as easily overcome with indifference towards me as I seemed to be towards him?
In some ways, I assumed he was.

Our hearts are very fickle beasts.  And our wills are also very strong.  If we want to convince ourselves of something or to unconvince ourselves of some unsomething then we can and will make it happen.

We're pretty savvy.  We're fairly simple.
We're mere fools.

I sat there on that couch, reading a book, just as I had all those weeks ago, that night it all seemed to begin somehow and remembering all of that made me giggle.  Here I was once again, come full circle, somehow arriving at the same place. 
And I was fine.
And I think that fact made me sad. 
I think I wanted to be more upset.  I should be more upset. 
But I wasn't.
That's just not how I am.

I guess it's hard to see what's not there.  It's hard to believe what's no longer in front of you. 
It's hard to know if something is because maybe it never had been.
And without a connection, one was left simply, alone.

I'd allowed myself to process, I'd allowed myself to mourn.
And that was that.
The chapter, with me unawares, had simply closed.

And my acceptance of that, my lack of strong emotions because of that, left me confused.
Uncertain.
Deliciously Uncertain.

The whole thing was so crazy, so unreal, it was like it never even happened.
At least not the way I thought it had.

Then again, maybe I'd just replaced my old illusion with a new one.

But whatever the truth, it suited me just fine.

It was mine.
And that's what mattered.