I have a hard time seeing things in black and white.
I guess I'm what you might call a grey person.
It does bring out my eyes, after all.
Part of the reason I think I'm so incapable of being resolute about things is that if it weren't for a deviation from the accepted norm for behavior I wouldn't exist.
I was the result of a divorce and a remarriage.
Growing up with a religion that teaches the sin that is divorce I had a bit of an existential crisis wondering if I should even be here. And I thought about my brother and how he only exists because of both of his parents first marriage, who each went on to marry other people and have other kids. And then those kids married and also had kids.
And then my head starts to spin.
My father used to always say that things are black and white; that they are for God or against Him.
I always thought that seemed rather harsh.
And I also have a hard time accepting that.
If divorce is a sin, if God hates divorce (a la Malachi 2:16) then was it a mistake my Mother got a divorce? And if her divorce was such a great sin, does that mean I was a mistake, that my existence was a great sin? And if my Mother was always meant to be with my Father and her first marriage was the error does that mean my brother wasn't meant to be born? And what does that say for his wife and two kids? Were they some cosmic error or in God's plan all along?
How can things be black and white when my entire family and extended family only exist because of grey areas? It certainly made it hard for me to accept that things had to be because that was the way they should be. Who's to say what someone should or should not do when clearly through every fumbling faulty step God is able to work all things for His good. One of my girlfriends got pregnant and is raising the baby alone and I'm convinced he was brought into the world for some great purpose. Cynics sneer that she merely sinned and is reaping what she had sown but I see an opportunity for great love and a changed life. I refuse to accept things are black and white. And that's why I know that sometimes we can make scary choices, rebel from all we've accepted as right and wrong and listen to the Spirit within who orders our steps more than any dogma that instills imprisoning fear in our hearts.
I googled divorce and came across some disheartening things. One site under the headline The Bible has the answers, we'll find them for you! wrote: Others claim that abuse (spousal or child) is a valid reason for divorce even though it is not listed as such in the Bible. While this may very well be the case, it is never wise to presume upon the Word of God.
Right. It's never wise to presume upon the Word of God. Not even if you're bleeding and bruised. Clearly your body as the temple of the Holy Spirit was created to be at the mercy of the one joined to you in holy matrimony, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, through abuse and neglect, through isolation and death.
Amen.
I thought about the Alaskan who was treated with such disdain by his whole family after his divorce. They didn't even want to hear about everything he'd gone through. All they saw was the black and the white, the sin of his decision. And they refused to see the broken man underneath the calm complacency. No wonder he ran away to the mountains.
In fact the more I thought about him the more amazed I was that he even went through with the divorce. In the Christian community it is far more acceptable to remain in an unhappy, unhealthy, controlling marriage than to accept the error that was marrying too young or in hasty misguided actions, likely out of the will of God, and getting a divorce. Yet I would presume (from the people I know, my parents generation and my own) that the majority of these so called black and white believers had premarital sex, which of course is also under the headliner of sin hated by God.
Why does the mass populous of people find it so easy to disregard one sin and inflate another?
I don't think our God is a black and white God. If He were, nearly all of the great men in the Bible would have been struck down by lightening and never given the chance to fulfill the plan God had in store for them. David and Bathsheba would have been stoned, Moses never would have parted the red sea after killing the Egyptian, Jonah would have been swallowed by the fish instead of being spit out.
Why are the characters in the stories we read forgiven and our friends and family labeled as the unforgivable sinners?
Haven't we learned anything from all the damn church we sit through?
Good grief.
I can't speak for what someone else should or shouldn't do. I freaking hate that word! Should.
We need to do what gives us peace. We need to do what we've prayed about and been prompted to do. We need to trust our heart and our gut and listen to the little voice inside of us and stop disregarding it because it frightens us.
Things happen for a reason.
Mountains are tossed in the sea when we believe they will be.
Black and white can shift to grey when we swallow our pride and realize we're human.
We err.
And He is gracious.
And amazing things begin when we open the new chapter and allow ourselves to fall right in.
He is moving.
In spite of you.
In spite of everyone.
And regardless of your move.
He's already got a back up plan.
No comments:
Post a Comment