I. AM. Scandalous.

My phone is possessed.
At least I am hoping that is the case because the alternative is that someone hacked into my email account and is playing some odd little blast from the past trick on me.
A) Who would be coo-coo-kachoo enough to exert so much energy and time to do such a thing?
And B) I thought my stalkers were present day not circa 2006?

I mean that with love, of course.

The first few emails that appeared on my Blackberry were from my old friend Stephanie when we were getting an apartment together.  That was kind of sad because we've since had a falling out and in spite of my efforts for a reconciliation I have not heard from her in six months.
Sad. Day.

It took me a time or two to notice the year on the email.  2006? I remember squinting to read one morning.  What the hell?
Next was an email from my mom sent a couple times that said Congrats on your new job!  Which also made me do a double take because I DID just get a new job.  But this was the new job I got in 2006. 

Again, WEIRD.

But the most oh so disturbing email of all is one I have now received FOUR times in the past 3 days (which is making my girlfriend's theory that I've been hacked seem a greater possibility) and it reads Cute pics of Ali and Resa and houses 5 pictures of me and Narcissus.

Maybe Ali hacked your account and is sending them to you, my friend speculated.  It's not hard to do.
Ok.  But as stellar major as I am, the last time I saw Narcissus was THREE. YEARS. AGO.
And his parting words?
Fuck off, ok?
I seriously doubt he would take the time in his busy making hundreds of thousands of dollars schedule to waste time on lil' ol' me.

But this whole 5 year old emails bombarding my phone thing got me thinking about the past and so I went perusing through old emails the other night.
And I came to a rather shocking conclusion.

I, Teresa Renee, am scandalous.

There are certain things we might remember about ourselves.  Maybe we're tapped into some of our faults or areas of weakness but there are others where it takes evidence staring you in the face to realize.

I came across an email I'd sent to Narcissus when we'd been dating for about a month.  The subject read Why are we so cute.
Awe.  Isn't that precious?
GAG.
On the SAME day I sent an email to Mr. Hollywood, the kid I'd met at a party the same week I'd started dating Narcissus and his subject read Wow have I mentioned you're hot??
Shame thy name is Reese.

So ok, technically we'd only been dating a month.
Ahem.
Did I mention that the first few weeks we were dating I also went out with a guy from my sociology class twice, Mr. Volcano twice (back then he was merely a painfully-shy-didn't-stand-a-chance-nice-boy, not the infamous Mr. Volcano) AND I still had a thing for my ex Jimmy and went to a Modest Mouse concert with him.

Before Narcissus I dated Jimmy and I started dating Jimmy while I was still dating the Orthodox kid.  Again I didn't think it was a big deal because we'd only been dating several weeks and any guy that says I love you after 3 weeks deserves to have me kiss someone else.
I mean, REALLY.

And sure all this happened in my early 20's, in college, so it was an age thing, right?

Oh but then there was 2 years ago when I started dating Mr. Volcano for reals. 
He's like a fine wine- he needed several years to age and mature for best results--although apparently I cracked that bottle open too early.  Yet again.  But I digress.

The first month I dated Mr. Volcano he went to California and I made out with the Texter!

Again we weren't officially exclusive yet but I would just like to ask the question resonating in my brain:

What the hell is wrong with me?!?

Is it any wonder I fell for Prince Charming?
I think not, my friends.  I think not.

I'm hoping the next hot guy I date doesn't come with extra hot distracting side kicks.

Wait.
What am I saying!

TO SCANDAL!