Star Light

I didn't make the cut.
I got a very loving rejection email and an invitation to participate in the classes to learn the routines but I didn't earn a spot on the dance team.

And the kind of keen part is that I had a surprisingly calm peace when I read the email.
Way to go Reese!  I remember thinking.
You passed the test!  You are believing the best!  You are not letting your circumstances steal your joy!  Gold star!  Woohoo!
Oh, but then I read that sentence.
We love your charisma and outgoing personality, which is not always captured on a video recording.

My face started twitching.
Grrrrrr.
Angry. Angry. Resa.

Part of the reason I was so incredibly upset with the fact my co worker wouldn't work my shift the day of the auditions is because I KNEW I would miss out on showcasing myself.  I am a performer.  I thrive in front of an audience.  There are times in class where our instructor divides us into two groups and just knowing there are folks watching me always kicks my dancing up a notch.  And I learn quickly.  And I can out smile Miss America.
And a one minute video doesn't show all that.
If I could have been there I would have had a much better shot at the team.

It felt like the. most. pointed. test. EVER.

Like, if they would have said you're too curvy or your technique isn't strong enough or we don't like your black hair I would have just shrugged and thought, Whatever. Your loss, bitches!
But to have it brought up that my video audition lacked a certain something and that I was right there on the cusp of being selected, having great potential buuuuuutttttt......
No.
GAH!

It's like getting a B+ when you studied your ass off.
You're like soooooooo close to an A but not.
Why not just get a solid C?
Leave room for absolutely no doubt.

Oh my God, I tell you what.  I started working on stock in the back room muttering, All things work together for good to those who love God and are called according to His purpose.  All things work together and are good.....Grrrr, I can't believe it!.....All things work together.....

It's kind of ridiculous hillarious when you think about it.
HA!
Good one, Big G!
You're SOOO HI-LARIOUS!!

The thing is, I know these things are political.
There are a hundred different factors in determining who gets cast and why.
Once I didn't get a role because the director said they wanted a blonde.
Cough. 
Wig?  Ever heard of one?

One time I auditioned for a role in a musical that I wanted SO BAD.
I mean, I went through several rounds of callbacks. 
There was dancing, there was singing, there was acting.  And I poured my little heart out into all of it.
I remember even forming real tears when I was reading an emotional scene.
If I don't get the part I know there is nothing more I could have done, I thought.
And I didn't get it.
But at least I knew I got to show all I was.
So it was fine.

But feeling like I missed out on getting to show my all because some girl didn't want to have to work all weekend and wanted to hang out with her boy.friend. makes fumes shoot out of my ears.

And here's where forgiveness and grace and compassion kick in.

I can't blame my co worker.  I can't even blame the clueless judges.  They don't know me.  And if God had wanted to grant me favor with the judges He would have made every single one of them fall in love with my fabulousness. 

It really is that black and white.
Regardless of how much I'd like to think my efforts could have changed the outcome.

Besides, as my wonderful Mother pointed out, Maybe you would miss out on meeting your future Prince Charming.
I smiled.

Who knows what surprises lay up ahead.
And just because one person didn't see what a star I am doesn't mean someone even more important won't.

Light this bright is impossible to ignore forever.