a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile
There's this personality test called Myers Briggs and when I took it I was an ENFP. There's a lot to be said about ENFP's (paragraph after paragraph about how fabulous I am!) But one thing that has always stood out in my mind is relationships with ENFP's.
I'm someone who needs connection. I have a lot to say and I need to be able to express all that's within me and know that what I'm saying is being received. I need to know I have a positive impact on the lives of people I have relationships with. I need to help, encourage, inspire, keep accountable. I need to hear from them, be it letters, texts or Facebook pokes just to know I'm in their thoughts. And those closest to me are the people I either see the most frequently or have maintained contact with the longest. My closest guy friend I may only hear from a couple times a year but he's been around over a decade. He always contacts me. And that meets my greatest need.
In contrast, some of the people I've loved most in my life, the beaus and girlfriends, are the types of personalities that withdraw and disappear for great stretches of time. I won't hear from them unless I make the first move.
To the ENFP, that would be me, almost nothing is more painful.
But the reason these personality tests or relationship and self help books really do help is because understanding another person's madness makes it so much easier to not be hurt by the things that would normally hurt us. If I know that one person needs me to give them the space of three months to communicate my love then it doesn't feel like indifference when they miss my play or fail to contact me on my birthday.
We all express love differently.
And I heard from a little east coast birdie that someone I no longer speak with wants to be my friend. That they want me to be a part of their life. And it made me smile because somehow I know their Myers Briggs result must be on par with mine. No contact to them feels like indifference. But affection is not nearly so cut and dry.
I was surprised when reading the definition of friend how broad and vague it is. I think if I took a poll and asked folks to define it the definitions would include making time for one another and having consistent contact. But a true friend is merely someone who thinks well of you.
And you don't have to see me to send happy thoughts my way.
I think the best way to be a friend to the people you are no longer blessed to see day by day, week by week, is to speak well of them. When those who are in your life bring up the friend speak only words that are loving, that edify and uplift. True friends stand up for each other. And never stand idly by to engage in slander and the spreading of falsehoods.
I think the best way to be a friend is to give those going through life transitions the space and the room to change and grow.
When my Grandma walked into the living room today she said, There's the lady with the black hair I hardly recognize.
I like change, I replied.
I know you do, Grandma chuckled. And that's wonderful because so many people don't.
Friends give each other what the other needs most, what is best for them, even if that forces one to lose what they'd like most.
Friends pray for one another and trust that if God wants their paths to be aligned He most assuredly will make it so.
Friends believe the best of one another in spite of the rumor mills.
And friends only ever speak the truth.
And walk in love where each is concerned.
I will always be a friend.
Even if only in memory.
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