...And she lived happily ever after...

"You have been growing a lot," my Mother told me a few nights ago. Of course, she is not here, so this conclusion is drawn only from what she hears me speak of (and there are a great number of things I don't speak of.....though, where Mama's concerned, I suppose, I probably do speak of most all things). The thing is, a lot of change has been taking place. And like so many things, 'tis gradual and often even undetected by ones own eyes.


I remember years ago after loves first heartache, physically bearing the change and losing a significant amount. I've always felt like it was my body's way of preparing itself, outwardly, for all the inner chaos, raging. And then, years following, the other extreme, because the body will try any extreme once: and if one fails, why then, try another. I know I'm finding my way to some balance and the best indicators are often ones overlooked.

I bought the most amazing 1950's, pink Grace Kelly-esque dress not very long after being here even though it didn't fit because I loved it so much, even if I only appreciated it from the hanger on my wall, 'twas worth it. And tonight, deciding to join in the Big Band festivities downstairs I donned my pink frock, now fitting perfectly. When you see your own form every day, it loses clarity. I really hadn't noticed. I suppose there's a reason they say to never underestimate the power of a fabulous dress. ;)

I also get to sing next week, my aria, that is and am quite thrilled. My father told me that it would be worth it to fly out Tuesday just to hear me sing. I hope if I have kids I can be as devoted at making their passions important to me as well. I hope that even though my faith is so often misguided in others, that it will continue to surprise me and smile back in my direction. I hope it won't always take 3,000 miles for me to see clearly what had always been waiting in front of me.

Though this time here is a brief vapor, a wisp of air, He's willing and I want to be as well. I shall do this or that or read or walk but I shall no longer partake in any that shall steer me away. No longer. This grip has been loosened; all things loosely. And even amidst consistent uncertainty, smile serenity, and peace.