What their neurosis taught me

The written word is a pretty powerful thing. It's probably why the intellectuals snub their noses at you if you "don't like to read." It's classic. Timeless. "In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God and the Word was God." -John 1:1




It's funny how facebook has become this communicating without communication thing. We can stalk people we never see or talk to, make our status updates telling gossip we hope certain readers will take notice, we can even BLOG about it for all our "friends" to read! But with all these supposed additions, depleting what shreds of honesty are left, it seems to incite even more miscommunications and unsolicited drama. Sometimes it can all work in our favor. I had an old Starbucks supervisor see my updates and friend postings about interviewing for Starbucks and since he'd seen that he put in a good word for me when he ran into the store manager, unprompted. That's stellar! But if we're honest with ourselves, which we rarely are with anyone, this whole "networking" thing usually is not always in our best interest. ~He deleted me or wait, he didn't, so I'll beat him to the punch and maybe re-request him and wonder what his status meant by that and why is he writing on his ex's wall and do you think I should keep my profile pic the same or should I change it??!~

I mean, the reason all that drama went down last year with Ali the Second, was due largely in part to all the communication we had done on facebook. If it hadn't been for facebook, it never would have went down as intense as it did. It's like the girl in the show I'm doing right now who said she didn't have a facebook. Why? Because when she had an account she said she was on there all the time, stalking people, updating her status. "So you, too, had an unhealthy relationship with your facebook?"

I mean, what is WRONG with us?? It's all such bullshit anyway.



Some know how my week started out and for those of you unawares, let us just vaguely state that someone's violent temper resurfaced once again and made it difficult for me to feel safe. And you know what? That's fine. Bring it on, Big G. Faith tests rock. What doesn't shake you strengthens you to the next unreachable hurdle and you either Believe or you don't, so it's gonna work out as it should whether you're on the path with it or not. And things land into new perspective fragments. What the hell was so bad about Rhode Island anyway? About Starbucks, Nordstrom, the kid in my sociology class, the sweater I gave away? I've entered this stage where even the most horrific seems comical to me. Survival technique? Perhaps. I'd like to assume my beliefs are as such that I know none of it really matters when all's said and done anyway. Today in church, listening to the sermon, and my angel of a niece sitting on my lap asking, in regards to Christ's return, "He's coming tomorrow?" Who knows. And that's just it. WHO KNOWS. About any of it. About why we do what we do or think how we think or things end up the chaotic messes we try fumbling to pick up. I no longer have the patience to try and explain myself to the Insecure or the Judging or the Neurotic or Melancholic. I am who I am and if you don't approve, I don't have the time or the energy to win you over. God has other plans for my time. And so do I.



I hung out with this kid, because it seemed like a good idea at the time and through facebook misreadings or too many shots or I don't even care to know what, he decided I was an unsuitable candidate to spend time with. And I couldn't help but laugh at the lunacy of the whole thing because I kept wanting to make sure our spending time together wasn't being misconstrued and in the end, he thought I was interested when I wasn't. What can you do? Laugh, right? I mean, we're all kinda nuts if we're going to have a rare honest moment. Maybe that kid from my past was right, I'm just too much to handle and the majority of the world doesn't know what to do with me. And maybe that's MY point. The world doesn't know, but Praise be that HE does. And that, my friends and enemies, is all I truly care about. "How do you like them apples?"