I think one of my best and worst qualities is my need to always believe the best of people no matter what they do or have done. I suppose it's my Mother in me. And I think I also want to believe the good in people I care for outweighs the evil....or else, why would I care for them?
I befriended a guy who seemed to meet the typical prototype of many relationships in my past....the introverted intellectual a bit lost, generally sullen, morose, who unwittingly shows me briefly a vulnerable humanistic side, which I then infer is their "true" self. Of course these Romeos want little to do with me (they'd rather be alone brooding, reading and writing) yet they also aren't indifferent enough to set me free either, a pattern I honestly unknowningly seem to repeat. Weeks ago, this said "friend" managed to push my buttons and offend me beyond my capacity to tolerate. Unfortunately, I took the bait (we all have our weak moments) and left him a less than lady like message, which was less of an attack and more of a defense, but wasn't taken as such. He, revealing his true colors, refused to even talk to me about it or accept my apology. And instead, simply left me a message letting me know I'd lost my privileges and if I pestered him about it, I'd "lose them for longer or good, so don't." All because I stood up for myself, telling him he was wrong and that I was not interested in him at all (some egos are so fragile). The thing is, my response should have been good riddance! But I still have faith for a reconciliation. Fool hardy. Yet still Reese. I have been wondering what to think of the whole situation, especially in conjuction with all that has transpired over the past year and pretty randomly (or so I thought) I brought one of Joyce Meyers books with me on the airplane. I came across a passage that seemed most poignant.... "...we can believe God will give us favor with the people He wants us involved with. Sometimes we try to have relationships with people God does not even want us to be associated with. Some of the people I really worked hard to be friends with in the past, often compromising my own conscience in order to gain their acceptance, were the very ones who rejected me the first time I didn't do exactly as they wanted me to."
It's interesting the books God brings to our hands if we'll just listen to those soft nudgings on our heart strings. I'll still maintain my Pollyanna ideals that this lost boy, as with the others, is really a good guy at heart. Perhaps, just not a good guy for me.
No comments:
Post a Comment