sometimes hair cuts are for the better....

It never ceases to surprise me the inconsistency that is time. How it never seems to move when you want it to and it sprints ahead when you're finally ready for it to pause. How so much really can change in such a short amount of time. It has been over six months since leaving all the drama in Portland behind and in just a little over a month more I will return there. I remember how desperately I wanted to get out of Oregon and what a lifesaver it seemed to me to get a job in Rhode Island. I couldn't have asked for a better escape. And isn't it always the case that once you get what you thought you so terribly wanted, you'd rather go back to where you were when you were without??




A friend of mine broke up with her beau and spent many moons yearning to have his heart again and when he finally and surprisingly did come around she had already met a new and better man and no longer desired the one thing she had spent so many hours crying over. Another girlfriend suffered from a similar loss of love. Being rejected by her ex and wishing for his love to the point of forgetting to eat but when that guy also finally came around, handing over a cd of a song he'd written and recorded for her, she too had moved on, met someone who treated her right and no longer desired the drama of his artistic heart.



I found myself a harmless east coast crush because it is far easier getting over past heartache when you have a new handsome face to distract yourself with. And when that summer romance decided to remain unwritten I let go of the idea the way we all eventually let go of the things we can't have. But as timing continues its erratic, delicious continuity it seemed just when I'd forgotten the way those blue eyes looked at me, there they were, once again, staring three inches from mine. It isn't even the first time I've finally gotten what I wanted after my feelings had changed. Perhaps the passion lies deeper in the wanting than in the getting. No, I take that back. But the anticipation and the expectation of not knowing what is or is never to come sometimes wins out over the actuality. There lies a sigh of sadness somewhere in that.



But I at least found, in addition to the influence of the full moon of Thursday last, that what seems so pressing will quietly fade into the abstract. Whether ones kisses will repeat with surprising intoxication or acceptance from a boss will ever occur or your peers will ever see past their own shortcomings and insecurities to approve of your inner peace, Times disenchantment will shatter all expectations and still scatter a few surprising delights....