How quickly they forget

When I was a little girl I wanted to be a ballerina, more specifically, I wanted to dance on Broadway. As I got older and discovered my talent lie more in music, I decided I wanted to sing on Broadway. Two of my close friends who talked about moving to New York with me a decade ago now live there. And for whatever reason, I never made it there. Days ago I saw someone's facebook status read something like, "Off to a film audition then a photo shoot then rehearsal, just how I like it." And my first thought was, 'that sounds exhausting.' Maybe I was just tired that day or maybe I'm turning into a bit of an old lady who works too early in latte land or maybe, just maybe, what I was so convinced I'd always wanted is no longer something I desire. And that's ok. There's something refreshing about change, especially when its' embrace has caught you unawares.






Some changes, like my declining childhood dream for stardom are so gradual they are barely noticeable. Others, despite all the efforts to encourage them, won't happen until something dramatic forces them. And where some of these gradual or abrupt changes are accepted by those affected, there are sadly those who are so unable to move with you in your change that they write you off entirely (or in my case, only write when sending formal, obligatory invites and matters of business, correspondence no longer ending with the standard "I love you and am praying for you"). Thus with change comes the quiescent complicance that casualties are inevitable. When you take a stand against enduring that which hinders your ability to maintain some semblance of sanity, there are those (too busy playing in the fun house) who can't see the clarity you've found, nor are they even capable of accepting it (for 'twould shatter the mirrors in their molding house, and who wants to step on broken glass?)





Thankfully, there are those rare individuals who embrace change with a similar zeal and so not only accept but encourage and even reach out their hand when something unexpectedly trips you up. And I am discovering that it is the love that is willing to change that is the love that will remain ready available. And how lovely that where we miss one, another pauses, long enough to make the loss bearable, and somehow, enjoyable.