Brought to You in Part by the Sisters of Contempt and Apathy

"I now understand that love is a rare and valuable thing, and you don't get to choose its object.  You must go around getting hung up on all the least convenient things--and if the only obstacle in your way is a little extra work, then that's the wonderful gift right there."- Elif Batuman

A wise woman once told me, "a man should swim through shark infested waters to bring you a glass of lemonade." Somewhere along the way, the years passed by and women stopped believing this. They either didn't think they deserved such devotion or they thought the men were incapable and moved too slowly. So, over time women started buying the lemons and the sugar to keep on hand just in case the men were too tired to make the journey. They even purchased boats and offered to meet the men where they were thinking it might be easier altogether if they just made the lemonade themselves. After all, things worth doing are worth doing right, so it really makes more sense to ease men into things.  It works so well in the animal kingdom too.  Try helping a bird hatch from its egg or catch it from falling and you're sure to end up with a weak, defenseless bird lacking the strength to fight for what it needs to.  And why should it?  It never felt what it was like to hit its head against the ground.

Women, instinctively, are nurturers.  There is nothing wrong with wanting to help others, especially when we seem to possess a divine gift of intuition making it feel a sin to not communicate the most effective route to attaining any goal.  However, we seem to miss the mark with our men because their thrill lies in the journey and self discovery, not in heeding our wise direction.
I know very few women who truly believe a man would cross the ocean for her. Why do women drop their lives and change their careers when their boyfriends move?  If she believes she was worth the effort, wouldn't she allow him to return to her?  They believe they're being supportive in following them, going where they're needed, where they're sure not to be missed, making his task easier. In truth, women fear being forgotten.  Their motives, seemingly selfless are in fact self preservation.  Out of sight out of mind is an adage detailing a woman's worst nightmare.  Heaven forbid he should move on to bigger and better things and leave her behind.  Heaven forbid she should move on without him.
Why do women always call and plan their own dates now? Is it because they're self sufficient modern women of the world disregarding their mother's old rules and making things happen? Or is it in fact that they think a man won't be interested enough to make a real effort and call?  And isn't that insecurity issue worth evaluating?
  And then there are those men who never seem to pick up the phone to call, offering instead a text or an I.M.  Women are so quick to brush aside such indifference with rationale and justification when in reality, those he values in his life, he will call.  He doesn't text his mother on her birthday, he calls her.  He makes time for his best friend, he doesn't blow him off at the last minute with a half hearted text.  We certainly don't treat those we loves with such minimal effort, why do we expect so little for ourselves?
  Instant messages and texts are casual ways to engage contact with someone while maintaining distance. It takes no real involvement, it takes no real effort. He could text while on a date with someone else or I.M. while on the phone with the person he cares enough to talk to.

Somewhere along the way, we tried to forget the harshness of this truth.

I, for one, would like to give the ones worth talking to a chance to shine through. I'm not keeping any more lemons on hand and I'm not replying to the half hearted texts and I'm not following anyone anywhere. The fairy tales never ended with Rapunzel chasing after her prince asking what he meant by his last text. Men are capable of being men.  They are capable of coming through for us, they are perfectly capable of everything we're too afraid to wait and see if they'll decide to do. If we just get out of the way and let them make the effort, they will.  Or they very likely won't, but isn't it better to know than waste time with someone who doesn't even see us?  If  we're not wasting our time, then the ones worth knowing will find a way to spend time with us. Quantity is not as thrilling as quality. And sometimes pink lemonade tastes much sweeter when you sip it alone.