I had a pretty random gig the other day. And I say random because it all kind of happened last minute, spur of the moment. I thought, I'll forward my audition reel and see what might happen and then received a call within 20 minutes and directions for where to accept the gig, just like that. An impulse, an action and results, quicker than I finished my latte.
Once I quit a job on a Thursday, started looking for new jobs Friday, had my first interview Monday and got the job that same day. It's always surprising when significant events happen so quickly but then again, women continue to preach the adage that when you're not looking for a man is when you'll find one. Maybe there's something about men and employers and directors smelling our desperation--then again, maybe Fate just likes to deal us a sudden hand every once in awhile just to keep us on our toes.
I think the thing I loved so much about booking this gig was that I had previously seen the audition information a couple weeks prior and for whatever reason, kept forgetting to email the director. I took this as a sign it wasn't meant to be but then yesterday there was another audition notice and realizing this was my chance, I responded and heard back right away. As a performer you always hope when you go in for an audition the director will love you and you will be exactly what they're looking for. (Directors feel this way too but they conceal their hopefulness with poker faces and matters of business). And so often, you not only have no idea if they liked you, let alone loved you, but you have to wait weeks, sometimes months, to find out if you got the part or even a callback. Delayed gratification is a curse of the actor but something we never seem to learn the patience to master. So you can imagine the sheer joy I felt as I not only speedily learned I landed the gig but received accolades from a stranger on the work I had sent him. Every singer notices the flaws in each note they sing, a wavering of pitch, a faulty rhythm and this is all magnified when you have no accompaniment. But this director told me that of the tracks I sent him, the acapella track he heard was his favorite. "In the first few notes you sold yourself, already showcasing what you could do," he said. Why was this such a treat for me to hear? Because it was something I'd recorded in one take, sitting on my couch, wanting to try out my webcam and here the music maestro was telling me, Brava, well done. My amateur musical prowess got me a job!
There were several of us at the gig who were all thrilled to be making a recording and that kind of passionate energy is so contagious to be around. One young gal next to me, after we first began sightreading the score, whispered to me, "You have a really pretty voice." And while it tickled me to be seen by this barely 20 something ingenue with starstruck eyes I thought to myself, Thank you, I do have a pretty voice, don't I? And that's not the diva in me talking (Oh who am I kidding, I'm FABULOUS!) But seriously, sometimes the compliments from strangers fill a tiny place in my heart that loved ones can't reach. There is this admiration that stems not from affection but from genuine inspiration. And it's nice to be able to use the gifts we have, isn't it? So often we feel what we do defines us. And so much of what we do is to pay our bills. It says nothing of who we are, what makes us tick, what makes us excited and exhilirated and keeps us up sleepless nights with thrilling anticipation. I've learned to find joy in what I do because it's where I spend so many hours of so many days of my life, so why not love it while I'm there? But being a Starbucks Barista is not who I am. God didn't create me to serve people coffee. There's so much more to me than that! But somehow, having such a simple job, loving the robots who look into my glittery smile every morning, I find a small thrill in what I do. And it makes what I then choose to do all that more special because I don't sing and act because I have to, I perform because I GET to. And what a wonder to love the audience as I love my regulars, only this time, I get to use the gifts I have to bless them, rather than merely my hats and my rhinestones.
An actor said to me once during a performance onstage, "I am so bored." And I really wanted to ask him, Then why are you here? No one's forcing you to be an actor. No one made you audition for this play. So aren't you then here because you want to be and if not, why are you doing something you don't want? There are things we do to eat and live and to then have the freedom and time to do the things we want. But why use your spare time to do anything but the things you're passionate about? Isn't that a waste? It makes me tired just thinking about it.
Maybe the trick is remembering all the things you wanted to be before you turned into one of the robots yourself. Maybe it just takes a step out of the safe assembly line routine and into another box for a moment. Perhaps then the week will be shaken up with a last minute, spur of the moment surprise happening. You might remember one of those gifts you forgot you possessed and remember the thrill of getting to do something, rather than doing what you do simply because you do. Wouldn't that give all the other robots something to talk about....
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