Sickness can be great. Not during, not while you're actually feverish and lethargic and wishing you could see what the world looks like away from your bed, but after. I guess it's the old adage, the grass is always greener, but suddenly, you find yourself so appreciative of the most inane things. Like, having energy to run errands, to go for a walk, to make it through a four hour shift at work without coughing up your weight in crud.
I had the worst cold leading into opening weekend of "Into the Woods" and I haven't been that sick since I was in Rhode Island, when I was quaranteened to my room and only came out to gargle disgusting remedies and eat whatever I could drink down. Here, everyone else was stressing over missing props and missed song entrances and I was fighting just to keep from coughing or feeling dizzy. So come opening night and I am just praying so specifically that I can make it through my songs and appearances onstage without coughing and somehow, Divinely, I don't cough onstage. Not once. For the first time in....DAYS. And after I finish a song or a scene, I'd walk offstage and start coughing. I still wasn't well, but I made it through the entire weekend. And I was so thankful. I was so grateful that I hit the high B flat, that some friends could be there. And I remembered how excited I was about the show when I first got cast and I think that gave me energy to push through. And sometimes, sometimes I just wish other people would experience the reminder I went through. Perhaps then they would remember why they chose to be there in the first place, remember why they love performing, if they do. And remember to have fun again.
I don't know, lots of little moments have been happening lately, little things, like, losing my compact and my makeup bag and trusting I would find it and being without for days and then discovering it in the abyss that is my car. Or searching for the next season of "Felicity" that I've been falling in love with all over again and happening to stumble across it just when I wanted to watch it. I auditioned for "The Producers" and really wanted to get cast but didn't. And instead, ended up getting cast in a Shakespeare play which is something I have wanted for so long. And I met with the director today and he is so passionate about Shakespeare. And to think, if I'd gotten what I first wanted, I wouldn't have had the latter. And what a tragedy that would have been. People have been leaving and reappearing in my life and I find it so amusing how different things would be if maybe I hadn't said the wrong thing or she had actually been there when she said she would or if I was still a brunette or I'd gotten that job at Plato's and just how entirely different everything would be. And how wrong. Because it wouldn't be.....well, now. And now I'm headed toward what's meant to be and maybe it was all meant to be. Or maybe it wasn't. But I'll still end up where I'm going.
And I'm glad I felt what it was like to lose everything. Because remembering what is good, acknowledging all that is before you can save you.
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