My love for you is like facebook: invasive, impossible to ignore, imperceptibly intact after deactivation, the source of drama, misunderstandings and thoughtful prose and something I have easily severed all entanglements with.
Even though I have no desire to find love anytime soon (the crack in my heart needs time to mend, thank you) I'm overwhelmingly annoyed at my lack of datable prospects. Let me rephrase: There is absolutely no one to date. "I don't understand how men can go through that place you work at all day and no one ever asks you out!" my Grandmother declared this eve. "I know, right? I'm cute!" I add. "That's right, you are. God must have you in one giant protective bubble."
Sigh
Why does Grandma always have to be right? I uncandidly whined that it would be so much easier to move forward from the past if I had someone new to do that with. "Teresa," she said," is God God?" Trick question, I momentarily mused. "Can he do all things?" Hmm, I know this one. "Yes." End of discussion.
So, ok, this isn't a season of dating. That's fine, I get it. Hooray for my solitude and strengthening of character and building a harvest of maturity enriching my lifetime. Who wants to put on a dress and have drinks bought for you at an overcrowded bar anyway?
Distractions are keen, though. That's just it, they're mere distractions and if I want a minimalized life of genuineness and honest love then I can't have the mass produced garbage dump of socialization I witness around me. I long for something greater. I hear the longing in the voices of my friends who spend their free time with stranger after new stranger. "I felt, still, something is missing," one girlfriend wrote me. And as the saying goes, it seems I'm gonna have to sit tight and wait for whatever good is on it's way. Good ol' waitin'. You sure go well with a bottle of wine.
The great loves in my life while different in stature, class, culture and personality (mere trifles really) shared one amusing trait: an affinity for tea. (I use the term great love loosely interpreting it to mean a relationship that resulted in both physical and spiritual changes. Great certainly leaves much to be desired in each of their cases.)
I drink coffee. I don't dislike tea, it is just never the thing I reach for to prepare for myself. Coffee, wine, water, yes. Tea, only near Christmas. Yet with each of these men I consumed huge quantities of tea. It seems something I've no desire to make myself I'll happily consume when placed in front of me. Tell me, Dr. what does it mean?
Another link I've discovered is the love letter, while one in poetry and verse, another long passages of idolatry and still the latter, a childlike confession of his inability to fathom how he could be so comfortable and nervous around me simultaneously.
Truly attraction is a most curious sort of beast.
"There are strange friendships. Two friends are almost ready to eat each other, they live like that all their lives, and yet they cannot part. Parting is even impossible: the friend who waxes capricious and breaks it off will be the first to fall sick and die."-Dostoevsky
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